Before our wedding 2006, looks more like a baby shower! 

Before our wedding 2006, looks more like a baby shower! 

I've been thinking a lot about why I fell off the health train as hard as I did and what I need to do in order to find balance once again. 

We all have a WHY.  It's what drives us in our career, relationships, hobbies and health. When your WHY is greater than your excuses it's often hard to give up your WHY, but it's not foolproof.  

My WHY for "attempting" to become healthier began years ago when my grandmother was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, sadly I didn't take my health or obesity as serious as I should have.  

An actual health scare should have put me on the right path, but it didn't. Instead,  I had finally grown tired of being the fat girl in the back row or sick of attempting to diffuse my weight gain with an oversized handbag.  

Sometime in 2008!  No self love, no self care 

Sometime in 2008!  No self love, no self care 

The first 60 pounds shed with relative ease, it's been the last 15 - 20 that have caused me to yo-yo, binge eat, and throw in the towel more than a handful of times.  To become recommitted to my WHY, I had to change the dialogue with myself.  I am no longer interested in losing weight or inches to step out of the back row, instead I want to be in the best shape of my life to simply be in the best shape of my life, but also shed the excuses I've been carting around. 


Here's to a brand new chapter, a brand new set of goals, and a brand new WHY and feeling incredibly confident with bangs and red lipstick! 



Going Keto (our grocery haul)

After a year of climbing on the wagon and tumbling off the back of the wagon with diet and exercise, I'm finally ready to recommit to my goals. Two weeks ago we, (Patrick and I), recommitted to our diet and started a Keto (low carb, high fat) lifestyle.  For us, this style of eating isn't much different from our preferred paleo lifestyle - a few tweaks we had to make were eliminating all potatoes, bananas, and apples which had become staples in our diet. 

Instead of looking at eliminating those things as a negative, we've happily embraced the change and are have more fun with our meals.  

Here's a look at our cart for the week: 

A few key things to understand about our grocery cart and our beliefs when it comes to organic and/or grass-fed veggies and protein.   We believe that you should do the best you can with what you can afford and have access too.  If organic and/or grass-fed items are on sale then we will typically lean in that direction.  However, it's more important to us that eliminate processed boxed foods first and foremost. 

Our menu includes:

Nacho Cheese Chicken Casserole

Cinnamon Roll Oatmeal

Turkey Burgers topped Chili Lime Spices

Mocha Cheesecake Bars

Cheeseburger Boli

Sausage and Cheese Breakfast Pie

Flatbread Pizza Crust - modifications to this recipe 1 cup Parm 1 cup Mozz. and Italian Seasoning

 A few recipes in progress off my phone- hopefully, we'll have leftovers so I can create proper photographs. 

a bit of honesty

Things haven't been right for months and I wasn't sure why until I took some time to become brutally honest with myself.

This health and fitness industry is a strange animal - one that shouldn't have shocked me or made me feel the way I had been feeling but it did.  

About a year ago, I began to struggle with comparison.  My comparison ranged from self image to allowing my mind to be cluttered by to many ideas, thoughts, courses, youtube videos and keeping up with the "jones".  

I'd come home from personal training every afternoon with the goal of writing a new blog post or connecting with a new coaching client only to feel paralyzed by what everyone else was doing.  When comparing myself, I neglected to honor how far I'd come in my own personal weight loss journey and allowed where I didn't measure up to consume me.

After spending countless afternoons in a dark bedroom under the covers, I knew something had to change.  I ran through all of the things I wasn't doing and should be pushing myself to do more of, but the more I tried the harder it was for my fingers to key and the words to flow. 

In mid-February, I ended up getting sick and found myself on the couch for two days.  While I was resting I kept feeling that a decision needed to be made about the future of my coaching business.  I could no longer continue to have these downcast feelings or pain tugging at my heart. 

On day 2 of being under the weather, I looked at my incredibly supportive husband and said, "my heart can't continue to break anymore over this... should I walk away?"

His response "If you aren't happy then walk away.... it's okay".

If you know me at all, walking away... isn't something that I do lightly.  In fact, I resisted for two or three more days until I came to the decision that as much the health and wellness industry brings me joy, for the time being, I need to reconnect with the journey personally and not professionally.  

So what does this mean?  Well... I'm not exactly sure except I plan to use this blog as a personal platform to share my journey and what it looks like as I navigate returning to my roots as a photographer and creative. 

I'd love for you to leave comments, share your story, and ask questions.  For the time being, I won't be accepting coaching clients as I don't feel I would be the best coach for them as I navigate this change of direction.  To those of you who have supported this journey from day one or have gotten on board along the way, thank you, thank you, thank you.