a bit of honesty

Things haven't been right for months and I wasn't sure why until I took some time to become brutally honest with myself.

This health and fitness industry is a strange animal - one that shouldn't have shocked me or made me feel the way I had been feeling but it did.  

About a year ago, I began to struggle with comparison.  My comparison ranged from self image to allowing my mind to be cluttered by to many ideas, thoughts, courses, youtube videos and keeping up with the "jones".  

I'd come home from personal training every afternoon with the goal of writing a new blog post or connecting with a new coaching client only to feel paralyzed by what everyone else was doing.  When comparing myself, I neglected to honor how far I'd come in my own personal weight loss journey and allowed where I didn't measure up to consume me.

After spending countless afternoons in a dark bedroom under the covers, I knew something had to change.  I ran through all of the things I wasn't doing and should be pushing myself to do more of, but the more I tried the harder it was for my fingers to key and the words to flow. 

In mid-February, I ended up getting sick and found myself on the couch for two days.  While I was resting I kept feeling that a decision needed to be made about the future of my coaching business.  I could no longer continue to have these downcast feelings or pain tugging at my heart. 

On day 2 of being under the weather, I looked at my incredibly supportive husband and said, "my heart can't continue to break anymore over this... should I walk away?"

His response "If you aren't happy then walk away.... it's okay".

If you know me at all, walking away... isn't something that I do lightly.  In fact, I resisted for two or three more days until I came to the decision that as much the health and wellness industry brings me joy, for the time being, I need to reconnect with the journey personally and not professionally.  

So what does this mean?  Well... I'm not exactly sure except I plan to use this blog as a personal platform to share my journey and what it looks like as I navigate returning to my roots as a photographer and creative. 

I'd love for you to leave comments, share your story, and ask questions.  For the time being, I won't be accepting coaching clients as I don't feel I would be the best coach for them as I navigate this change of direction.  To those of you who have supported this journey from day one or have gotten on board along the way, thank you, thank you, thank you.