Two Sunday’s ago, we decided dusted off our paddleboards for the season and spent the afternoon on the water. My absolute happy place.
With snacks and water packed all - it was time to throw on our swimsuits and hit the road.
Panic set in…
Truth is… I’ve been less than perfect on my diet and I surely missed more than a few workouts as of late, but I decided to throw on a two-piece anyway. Let me add this, I am the sporty bathing suit type of girl - I would much rather keep everything in it’s place than spilling out and attempting to be something I am not.
Of course, I had to do a quick check in the mirror to see how my suit was fitting. As I closed the door to reveal our full length mirror I surprised myself. Rather than see horror on my face, I saw a smile and in that moment I was damn proud of myself.
The last time I felt confident in a bathing suit was some time in my teens. Since the late 2000’s - I’ve rocked tankini’s or shorts & tee-shirts rather than expose myself and the entire beach to my less than ripped midsection, thick thighs and tan-less body. So even leaving the house in this two-piece with the intention of being viewed by the public was an accomplishment on it’s own.
As we left the house with paddleboards, snacks and cooler in tow I couldn’t get the smile off my face. I was proud, really proud of myself because endless amounts of blood, sweat and tears made this day possible. On the way to the lake I thought about who I was in 2006 - bitter, stressed, tired, overworked, no self love and definitely no self care. A girl lost in her own world… scared to death to let go of who she was in order to see who she could become.
I had to give thanks to the girl I once was. It was her that led me on this wild journey of transformation. She taught me to find love within myself. That my struggles wouldn’t be fixed with the purchase of a new designer bag and/or shoes. She taught to find inner peace through meditation, journaling and exercise. She showed me how to treat food as fuel rather than my only source of comfort. As her layers shed, her inner strength grew in order to push through all of the mental, emotional and physical blocks that stood in her way.
All of the emotions and thoughts I’ve carried about who I was always came with negativity and hate. Never have I, given her any ounce of thanks… and today… I THANK HER!
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